Grieving a loved one: 4 tips on how to cope with the pain of losing someone

GrievingIt is so personal that I don’t believe there is a formula for when it will get better.

Losing a loved one is probably the greatest of all the pains that you can imagine. The process of grieving is brutal How do I know this? I experienced an unimaginable pain when I lost my mom 12 years ago.

When we lose someone we love, we must learn to not live without them but to live with the love they left behind.

I didn’t see it coming. She was just here. One day, we were talking, making plans, laughing, arguing, and then, everything changed. My person is gone. Now I have to live a life that does not physically include her, leaving behind so many confusing emotions. I can’t believe that SHE WAS JUST HERE!

God blessed me with the greatest mom anyone could ever ask for. She was my amazing angel on earth for the first 18 years of my life, who happened to also be my best friend and a pillar of strength. And she’s gone. This depth of grieving can only be known through experience. It hurt the first year, and still hurts today. It has been twelve years since.

I can’t fully describe the hurt I feel every time it hits me that she’s no longer here. I had seen other people faring with their loss, but never understood the pain until I lost my mother. Everything went dark and seemed dull. Nonetheless, I’m getting through it and learning to carry on with my loss.

How to Cope After Losing a Loved one?

Seven years after losing my mom, my friend lost her mom too. I called to console her, and she asked me, “How do you cope with this? When does the grieving ends” Does it get better? It would have been easier to tell her yes. It will get easier. You’ll forget this ever happened. The problem is, grief is so personal that I don’t believe there is a formula for when it will get better. But I told her it’s a new journey and she’ll learn to survive. The pain will come at odd times, but she’ll live through it. A big piece of her has been lost, and it’s okay to allow herself grief.

grieving is a process

Here are some of the ways through which you can console yourself.

Grieving and healing are different for everyone. There is not one way that fits all. For me, one important way is to hold on to the memories that we have shared. It is something that I’ll never let go. We learn to live despite their absence, often becoming someone different from who we were so that we can find a renewed interest in life while at the same time living with our loss. These are some of the things that can make this journey bearable.

Facing the reality of what had happened

Denial is the initial step in most people’s grieving processes. They reject the reality that their father, mother, or other loved ones have passed away. Then come the stages of shock, confusion, guilt, and anger, and they keep on coming. I was in the denial phase for so long because my mom used to travel a lot, so for me, on most days, it felt like she was just on another trip.

But it has been twelve years and this is a forever trip.

My advice to anyone going through the process of grieving would be to take things one day at a time, accept this new reality, and cry hard if you feel like it, but don’t let the grief consume you.

Every milestone, celebration, or sad event will have me overwhelmed with emotions. ***Grieving

grow through the loss

I really want to tell you so badly that it heals with time, that “Time is the greatest healer of all the pains and sufferings.” The more the years pass, the less pain you feel. I want to give that hope to you, but that has not been my experience. Grieving can be brutal.

What I know for sure is that you’ll GROW THROUGH THE LOSS!

Every milestone, celebration, or sad event will have me overwhelmed with emotions. Some days I look at my kids and feel so sad for them that they never get to experience my mom.

It’s been twelve years since my mom passed away, yet there are still days when I feel low and it all seems to come tumbling down. I long to be able to have conversations with her, hold her hands, laugh with her. The most shocking part of this journey is how it still hurts and the memories are so fresh.

With time, you’ll grow through the loss, thrive through these painful changes, and learn to live with it.

Don’t Push People Away.

Embrace friends and family who have come to share your pain. Accept their open arms, hug them, talk to them about your grieving journey and try to let out all the tears you’ve been holding in.

Express yourself before the people who understand your pain, and you will feel lighter and more manageable with each word that leaves your lips.

Moreover, you can join support groups in your area where you can listen to people who have suffered similar losses and express your distress to lighten yourself up.

Take Good Care of Yourself

In these challenging times, you need to take care of yourself and prioritize the things that bring you peace and sunshine. Set a boundary; cut off anything or anyone that is not respecting the way you’re processing things in this phase.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is the most challenging and painful experience of a lifetime. However, I’m learning every day to live with it, finding joy in other things. Even though it makes no sense, I’m leaning heavily on God’s word that says:

Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Remember this: Life won’t pause, it will force you to move on! Of course, nobody can fill the void left by your loved one. Nonetheless, you have to move on because they would want you to. We must learn to not live without them but to live with the love they left behind.

Happy Living!